Addiction is not a pretty word. It brings with it lots of baggage and negative inferences. The strange thing…is that many addictions are held in high regard in certain circles. This is definitely the case for relationships. Going from one failed relationship to the next without more than a moment to regroup is perfectly acceptable and even encouraged by some people. This misguided encouragement may be related to the commonly held belief that there is something wrong with a person if they are single. Singleness can feel pretty odd when one has spent most of their time in a relationship.

First, let’s clarify the meaning of the word addiction. One of the keys to identifying an addictive behaviour is whether or not the behaviour is being done as a means of avoiding or neglecting other important priorities.

Excessive eating and work are two of the most highly regarded addictions in our society. A person’s marriage is doing poorly and they are frustrated. They increase their pursuit of activities they can succeed at. They know how to work and eat. They feel good engaged in these activities. Their marriage isn’t providing many positive feelings.

Now, what is the person who is addicted to relationships trying to avoid?

The healing of a wounded heart is the primary objective of most relationship addicts. These types of wounds are typically from childhood. Their root is regularly found in some form of abuse or lack of proper care. The relationship addict is trying to make up for the feelings of loneliness and inadequacy that were created in their childhood. They are trying to get the love and affection from others that they needed from their parents. They find it difficult to be single for any prolonged period of time. As soon as one relationship ends, they’re as eager as a dog chasing a stick in their pursuit of another mate. The issue of compatibility is given little thought.

A person’s life only gets more difficult the longer they avoid dealing with their addictive behaviour and the impact it’s having on their life. The addict gets less and less out of their addictive behaviour over the course of time. They require ever increasing amounts of the addictive behaviour in order to get a buzz.

The solution for one dealing with a relationship addiction is to be honest about their problem and get help to heal their wounded state. It’s important to also realize that they are far from the exception. Using a relationship to get a fix is far too common.

The process of attempting to heal old wounds through relationships is rarely done consciously by a person. Their mate isn’t aware of this objective. When their partner fails to supply the level of healing love and affection they want, they blame their partner for not being able to heal their wounds from childhood.