Do live in a relationship where you no longer know who you are? Does your partner disrespect you, invalidate your opinions, marginalize who you are, blame you for everything or constantly criticize everything you do? Does your partner try to keep you isolated from your friends and family and want to know what you do every minute of the day?

If you answered yes to more than two of those questions, then it is highly probable that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Emotional abuse is abuse of the worst kind because it is insidious. It’s like a snake that coils itself around its prey and slowly squeezes the life out of it before it consumes it methodically and very, very efficiently. It is hidden, out of sight and one of the most destructive forms of systematic manipulation & control of one person over the other.

Emotional abuse starts small in the early stages of a relationship. Abusers will test limits and boundaries until they reach a point where they control, manipulate and threaten every aspect of the victim’s life. Because the victim is taught by their abuser that this is acceptable behaviour they are no longer able to see this from an objective standpoint.

It is difficult to understand why a loved one would treat us in this way. A very real possibility is they do it because they can. It provides them with power, a sense of importance, satisfaction of having their own way most of the time and a compliant partner who strives to please. However it could also be because of a psychological or medical disorder such as Narcissism. This and other disorders are well documented, with much information available to help the person with the disorder and those affected by their behaviour.

Take the time to research this very destructive and complex disorder. By understanding why your partner is behaving in this manner will instantly relieve you of the burden of believing that you are the problem.

If you believe you are being emotionally abused these are some things that you can do straight away to start taking back control of your life:

Talk to someone you trust. Let them know what is going on. This will help to put your situation into perspective. Understand the abuse is not your fault. Regardless what you have been led to believe your partner alone is responsible for the abusive behaviour. Realise that it’s unlikely that you can change your partners behaviour but you can do a lot about how your react or respond to that behaviour. Take responsibility for allowing the situation to happen to you and start to take steps towards reclaiming your liberty, one step at a time.

By staying in an emotionally abusive relationship, it’s telling your partner that it’s OK. For those who don’t want to speak up because they fear causing waves, peace at any price is simply enabling your partner to continue on a destructive path.

It takes much courage to take the first step towards taking back control of your life. When the time feels right you will find that inner strength to make whatever changes are needed in your life to stop the abuse. Remember, you don’t have to do it alone. Get help. Recognition and acknowledgment of what is happening is just the first step. Emotional abuse is complex and deep seated and the answers and solutions take time and patience to get to.

There are many ways to find help. If you Google the words “Emotional Abuse” or “Emotionally Abusive Relationships” you will find hundreds if not thousands of links to articles, books, advice and information about the many faces of emotional abuse and emotionally abusive relationships. If you don’t have access to a computer join the library – they have a large self help section.

Many, many strong, intelligent and confident people, normally so decisive in other areas of their lives have been and still are, in similar situations to the one you are in now. It may have taken them a long time to realize they were in an unhealthy relationship or it may have become apparent very quickly. They choose to stay in those relationships for a variety of reasons; fear of leaving, unsure if they really are in an unhealthy relationship, shame in having to admit what is happening or perhaps they love their partner so continue to put up with unacceptable behaviour.

The first step to taking back control of your life is to acknowledge to yourself that Emotional abuse is real. The second step is to understand that you don’t have to dismiss the feelings you have of isolation, degradation or manipulation. It’s not personal paranoia or indeed blown out of proportion. It’s real but it can stop today.

Tony Robbins so aptly put: if you don’t set a baseline standard for what you’ll accept in life, you’ll find it’s easy to slip into behaviours and attitudes or a quality of life that’s far below what you deserve.

When will you draw your line in the sand?