Rosa Say, author of Managing with Aloha, would agree with the assertion that managing and leadership go hand in hand. Understanding the difference, however, and when to be a manager vs. a leader, is one of the keys to effective coaching.
The tag line on my email reads, “Lead people, manage numbers.” Simply put, it means you should coach people to get them to meet whatever metrics the company requires or that you have mutually agreed upon during a professional development planning session. Simply staring at the numbers (charts, spreadsheets, and comparative reports), however won’t lead to success. Only people, behaving responsibly and respectively, can do that.
Because the lines between the roles as coach and manager can become blurred, it’s critical that the coaching relationship be established with clear expectations and monitoring steps right from the start. The Center for Creative Leadership (CCL) has developed a series of podcasts related to individual and team coaching. I’ve summarized some of the best coaching tips here, all of which I use in my coaching relationships. I encourage you to explore CCL’s free podcasts available through iTunes.
1. Expect the best – Be prepared to always look for the best in people and the situation. As they say at Senn Delaney, “assume innocence”. Start the coaching relationship with a positive mindset and assume the individual you are coaching is willing to learn, reflect and grow.
2. Define what you want – Be explicit about what you both want out of the coaching relationship. What is it you want to accomplish? Be sure your goals match before you begin; if they don’t, try to compromise. If that doesn’t work, then suggest a different coach.
3. Clearly define your roles – Be clear about the coach vs. manager role. If you are in both roles, then establish signals to indicate when you move from role to role. Starting sentences with, “Are you ready for some coaching?” or “I would like to talk to you about your performance,” define whether you are coaching or managing. If you are not in a managing role, however, establish whether or not the results of the coaching sessions will be shared with the individual’s manager or not. Trust is a critical piece of the coaching relationship and a breach of trust is a deal killer.
4. Self-awareness is non-negotiable – Encourage, and actually insist, that the individual whom you’re coaching develop self-awareness. This is perhaps the most difficult step for some people, because the only way you can truly become self-aware is if you ask for feedback from everyone around you, they are truthful and you really listen. The best rule of thumb goes something like this, “If one man calls you an ass, ignore him. But if three men call you an ass, go out and buy a saddle for yourself.”
5. Listen first – When the individual you are coaching is reflecting on a negative outcome or experience, ask questions to elicit reflective problem solving rather than give advice on how to do it right next time. It is much quicker to just tell people how to “fix it”, but our peers don’t learn by having it fixed for them. I encourage coaching teams to collaboratively develop the solution.
There are times when coaching has to step aside for managing. For example, when an employee resists taking direction, infects other team members with negative behaviors, or defies the team or company methodologies. I call this phenomenon “an employee going rogue”. In these instances, you have to take off your coach’s hat and put on the manger’s boxing gloves. This may mean anything from having a rules and roles clarification discussion to taking disciplinary action. It is extremely important that you adhere to step 3, defining your role as coach, manager or both. If you find yourself in both roles, I suggest you find another coach for the person, since changing management structure is usually not appropriate. The important thing to remember is that coaching is much like parenting: there’s no perfect method, some are better than others, but it’s the people and their relationship that count the most