Recently someone wrote in questioning the value of the principles of Human Design.

Why do we need to know what type we are? What value does it have to our personal journey?

Surely relationships need to be worked at – it is what relationship is.

In that article I wrote that “the deepest healing potential is available within a relationship”. The truth is we are all here to be in relationship with each other in some way, so let’s understand and make the best use of that relationship. Let’s use that growth potential through understanding it instead of getting deeper and deeper into the misunderstandings until eventually two well- suited people simply can’t go any further. Knowing the difference between when the potency has ended and when there is still a spark of hope.

Perhaps some people believe in perpetual suffering. Anyone who has a defined emotional centre, the solar plexus, will be involved in the roller coaster of life, in the pain and suffering as well as the joy, the delight and the wonder of life. They see life from both those perspectives, but do we really need to be caught up in it if we are not one of those people? We can learn to see what is going on and take a step back. This helps to create a healthy relationship.

Other people believe that life revolves around them. And perhaps it does. If you are born on a “right angle cross” then life does revolve around you. You really aren’t too interested in the other. But some of those others need people like you. This is your Incarnation Cross, giving the influence of the Sun and Earth at the moment of your birth and 88 days before birth when our genes first impact us. Did you know that? Our genes have two points of influence, first at 88 days prior to birth and then at the point of our birth. Nothing happens by accident. People who are born on “left angle crosses” only see the other; they have no idea of their own personal destiny, their own journey; their own needs. It doesn’t matter whether those people with the right angle cross are who you are married to, who you work with, or just your friends. You still need to have them in your life.

Knowing even this very simple piece brings more harmony to a relationship. Imagine if you knew more. If you know you are married to someone who has those highs and lows of the defined solar plexus. What if you don’t have the same? Do you know how to deal with those lows? Do you know how to respond when everything you do is wrong? Do you know that with these people there is no truth in the moment? Or do you suffer every time, walking away and never resolving the issue. Do you wonder what is going on? Did your parents fight? How did you manage those moments? Did you hide, or simply not even notice those ups and downs?

Relationships do need to be worked on, but not forever, and not with one party going numb, or giving way to the other. Not in a way that you have to create rigid strategies in order to deal with unpleasant moments. I have seen so many unbalanced relationships where it works well because one partner is able to win every time while the other lets that person be in control. We call this “understanding” each other. I have also seen the partner that silently agrees to keep the peace blossom when that relationship ends.

When a man describes his marriage by saying “We’ve have never had an argument in our married lives”, it’s because he has dominated his wife and she has become numb just to keep the peace. Or vice versa.

There are many reasons why relationships don’t last and why they are not meant to last. Our genes have one purpose and that is to mutate. They love change, they love being different. They want to evolve. The human mind, however, worries about change. People like the familiar; they like things to stay the same. They “know where they are” and this keeps life simple. They same old familiar routine feels safe. Our genes bring two very different people together so that they can use those differences to mutate. We are designed to mutate and change, to move on; to evolve. But as long as we resist change we will continue to live in fear. The two people may not choose to stay together once the incoming souls have arrived. The mutation has been allowed; the job is done. There is nothing sentimental about evolution. There is simply attraction.

We live in a world that keeps us living on our adrenals. Because of this we look to those places of safety in our lives. And when we find safety we stick with it, rigidly. Just what our genes hate, so eventually they shake us out of our safe place. This is the world we live in now. We are governed by our mind; we have no idea. We are drawn like a moth to the flame, to where there is safety, even if it is not healthy for us, even if it kills us.

There is safety in not knowing. There is safety in not understanding each other. None of us is perfect; it is something on-going, something we can work on. It gives the mind something to focus on, our growth process. Is that what we are really here to do – to use the struggle as a growth process?

There is a different way. We can be a part of that changing process that our genes crave. We can be involved with it instead of resisting it. We can understand it. We can discover the joys and the beauty of life, of being in a body for a lifetime. The journey is our journey, our experience, and through our relationships with others we can make it a better experience. There is far more we can gain from life when we are in a healthy and good relationship, than when we use our energy in focusing on the work needed to strengthen a relationship that may never be right.

Knowing the map is a way. It is a simple way. It has answers beyond the ones we are looking for. It has depth beyond our first impressions. It means that we can start to live our real purpose – because, yes, the map shows us our purpose. When we know our purpose we say “Is that what I’m here to do; that is so easy – it’s what I do already.” When you do what you are doing already then you can do it without those little doubts that come into your head that say, “Shouldn’t I be working harder instead of doing what I love?” We are so good at sabotaging ourselves and making life hard. The map will show you all your self-sabotage patterns and you will not only learn to work on your own private relationship, but how you relate to the world. We all have our own personal routes to escape from ourselves; some are even secret from our conscious minds.

When you first find the map and have your first reading you find how hard you have worked at improving how you are not meant to be. We all live as what is called the “not-self” and we continue to improve the “not self”, sometimes even with the help of a psychiatrist. Are we then really relating to our loved ones, or is it our “not-self” relating to their “not-self”. So with our improved “not-self” do we like each other more or tolerate each other more?

What we gain from knowing ourselves deeply is authenticity. You can’t help liking someone who is authentic. You never dance around someone who is authentic, wondering if you might say the wrong thing, misunderstand what they say. You never have to be on guard. It simply doesn’t matter. Whatever you do simply doesn’t matter. Nothing is taken personally and no judgements are made. After a while you come to realise why you are meant to be together. You find your joint purpose and life takes on a far deeper meaning than the pain of healing wounds.

I have a 19 year old son who is a computer mastermind. He often says to me “There’s an easier way to do that, Mum.” I have learnt so much and made my life easier by letting him teach me his way. His “Incarnation Cross” is the “Cross of Eden”. Resistance to change is the biggest barrier to living our real lives; let’s all try to bring Heaven to Earth and create our own Garden of Eden.

Phylipa Dinnen