You walk into the office staff lounge and suddenly there is a slight whisper! You start re-playing last night’s dialogue – as you had drinks and gossip hour with one of the women in the staff lounge and she isn’t speaking to you yet. Then it hits you – why do you engage in such self-destructive behaviour? Have you not learned your lesson a thousand times?

You vow never to do it again yet can’t help yourself from standing by in hopes that you will get the gist of their silent conversation. But you don’t and you know you never will so you move on.

I want to bring your attention to an often overlooked problem and that is understanding phony friends and followers. Phony friends are everywhere not just on Facebook or Instagram. You know, those women who act like they care and get the latest and greatest juice on a fellow female and then they’re off – sharing the details and comments exchanged and hopefully not twisting them all around to hide their own input to your conversation. You grow more anxious and wonder why you continue to get caught up in these types of moments because they definitely do not serve you and kind of go against your morals and values!

What happens next is you read comments online and then your mind races because you aren’t sure if they are secretly directed at you. It may be you, who has become a phony follower; only reading threads and posts to discover what your competition is up to or actively attending lunches out or wine night in to learn what the buzz is. This behaviour seems compulsive at times. As in, you just have to know! Well guess what? You don’t! So stop this drama ladies! You need to accept that women are often wrapped up in this type of drama solely on a societal level. There are so many women out there that have broken free of this behaviour or even better; those who have not indulged in this destruction. When women respect, encourage and genuinely care for other women the energy shifts, the world becomes healthier and magical things start to happen.

Start exploring your mindset regarding female relationships. Have we been brainwashed into thinking that fellow females are the enemy. Go through your friends list on Facebook – how many women listed are actual genuine friends versus phony followers? I am sure you have kind and caring female friends; monitor the other relationships and I guarantee that the thoughts have crossed your mind (“what is she up to now, who does she think she is, oh, she always acts happy but isn’t, her life is a mess, she lives on salad”, etc.) A phony follower encompasses all attributes of toxic, dangerous and manipulative behaviour. The phony follower hangs out in your circle randomly on a ‘Girls Night’ out or pops up on Facebook threads or perhaps attends luncheons with you yet you really don’t know too much about them.

The danger here is that too many women want to be recognized as popular or the go-to girl and that carries some seriously heavy baggage. Stop allowing these phonies in your circle. Create boundaries. Share uplifting news and be excited for a fellow female when she gets promoted, or buys a new house, or builds a healthy relationship with the love of her life. It is okay to be different and it is time to establish healthy, honest friendships with other amazing women.

Dismiss the phonies in your life and wish them well. Surround yourself with upbeat and enthusiastic women and work towards empowering women as a collective force. Imagine the possibilities involved in women loving other women. No more drama. No more judgment! No more wasted energy worrying about what you may have said. Spread the love. Spread the sunshine and build one another up! It is time to say no to the media and societal pressures to compete against our fellow females and time to embrace our differences and want the best for one another. Period.