I’m not a famous actress like Patty Duke (Anna Marie in “They Call Me Anna”) or Carrie Fisher (in “The Best Awful”); or a gifted psychiatrist like Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison (in “An Unquiet Mind”); or a flamboyant, young journalist like Lizzie Simon (in “Detour: My Bipolar Road Trip in 4-D”); or a notorious newswoman like Jane Pauley (in “Skywriting: A Life Out of the Blue”). I’m simply a Web developer for the state of Texas, in my late 50s, and have been diagnosed as bipolar since 1980. However, I have known secretly of my condition since I was seven years old.

I’ve actually dealt with the bipolar condition all my life. I say “dealt with” and “condition” rather than “suffered from” and “disorder” because the former presents a sense of being in control; whereas, the latter conveys the image of a helpless victim. Actually, the brilliant psychologist (therapist) whom I see, Dr. William J. Dubin of Austin, Texas, prefers to call it the “bipolar trait.” His belief is being bipolar merely means “a different organization of the mind having its advantages and disadvantages.” Again, the emphasis is on self-control of one’s thought processes and on insightful encouragement rather than on illness or disease.

With that being said, I shall refer to this condition throughout these pages interchangeably as the bipolar characteristic, bipolar disorder (BPD, not to be confused with Borderline Personality Disorder), the bipolar trait or the bipolar experience. In years past, it was referred to as manic depression because that terminology more adequately depicts the polarity of the condition. That is why Dr. Kay Redfeld Jamison, psychologist and staff member at Johns Hopkins University, and author of “An Unquiet Mind,” among other texts, prefers to reference the condition as manic depression. It is a disorder in the degree to which one’s relationship with oneself is disruptive; when one can dispassionately experience manic depression, one knows there are tremendously positive elements few people are able to achieve.

There have been untold numbers of books written about this disorder that affects one percent of the population, or about two million people. Much research has been done, yet actually very little progress has been made in determining its exact causes and in finding solutions. There is no real cure; the condition is generally life-long and chronic. Many believe it gets worse as one grows older. There is no iron-clad medical test that can be performed to determine whether one has bipolar disorder. The diagnosis generally is based on demonstrated symptoms, all of which can be revealed readily by reading the materials resulting from a “Google” search on the Internet.

Numerous studies have tried to identify a genetic predisposition to BPD. However, in many cases, one identical twin will have it and the other does not. Environmental factors such as one’s upbringing, experiences in school and interpersonal relationships greatly influence the manifestation of this condition. Brain mapping experiments reveal bipolar persons appear to have small pools of water in their brains (An Unquiet Mind by Dr. Kay Redfeld Jamison).

It is widely accepted that a significant contributing factor revolves around three neurotransmitter activities in the brain: serotonin, acetylcholine and dopamine. Additionally, levels of the hormones cortisol and adrenaline play a key role in the anxiety component of the condition. From my own experiences, I believe the disruptive nature of the bipolar existence is based upon energy imbalance. Either the serotonin-neurotransmitter process is intensified to a biochemical excess, which creates the manic, scattered energy; or it is impeded to an abnormal level which creates the depressive, “half-of-my-mind-is-dead” disillusionment.

This energy imbalance manifests in what I experience as a “right-and-left-brain” conflict. Our left brain tends to be logical, meticulous, organized and responsible. Our right brain facilitates creativity, spontaneity and playfulness. I experience depression when I feel as though my creative right brain has not received enough stimulation, or when the serotonin activity has decreased so much I couldn’t be creative no matter how hard I try. Conversely, I experience mania when it seems as though my right brain, under the influence of excessive serotonin release rates, takes over in wildly imaginative creativity and activity that can become delusional and psychotic.

Another significant aspect of life as a bipolar individual is hyperthymia, meaning too much emotion, or moods that are too intense. Good things are experienced as intensely energizing boosts to one’s morale, beyond what the situation calls for; and likewise, disappointments are registered as major letdowns leading to futility, despair and utter hopelessness.

Perhaps this memoir will provide insights for others who may be struggling to come to grips with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder – manic-depression. I unequivocally state Jimi Hendrix was correct when he sang, “Manic-depression’s a frustrating mess.” As one who has dealt with this frustration, and who has spent thousands of dollars in therapy trying to untangle the mess, my intent is to expose bipolor emotions and experiences. I hope to provide fresh insights and rays of hope to professionals trying to get a better handle on the condition for treating their patients, as well as to those dealing with the condition, be they newcomers to the diagnosis or old hands at it.

The first several chapters of this book are about growing up bipolar. This series of chronological vignettes helps readers develop insights into the roots of the bipolar existence as I have experienced it. It is not meant to be an all-inclusive narrative, but rather a summary of pertinent events and scenarios to enlighten the reader about the bipolar roller coaster. It will illustrate key components leading up to my eventual diagnosis of “296.44 Bipolar I Disorder, Most Recent Episode Manic, Severe With Psychotic Features.”

In particular, I hope mothers will be able to recognize and understand their bipolar children. It also provides assistive insights for friends, family and coworkers who interact with bipolar individuals.

The remaining few chapters explore methods of dealing with the bipolar condition from a cognitive approach as gleaned from intensive psychotherapy and hypnotherapy with a gifted and compassionate psychotherapist. Medications also are discussed. I consider myself an expert on the subject because I have tried my entire life to understand it and ultimately to view the bipolar condition as a gift from which I can offer understanding to others, rather than to view it as a cross to bear.