When a relationship is coming to an end, little makes sense. This is even more apparent if you’re the person who is being dumped. Depending on how compassionate your lover is they may try and let you down easy. One very common phrase that people hear during a break up is “you deserve someone better.” If you’re on the receiving end of that, you may be a bit mystified. What exactly does it mean and what specifically should you be saying in response to it?

When your lover says, “you deserve someone better,” you’re likely going to take that to mean that they believe they’re not good enough for you. It’s touching when someone says that because you assume it means they really value you and believe that they can’t measure up. Don’t be too taken with it though until you truly understand the intention behind the words. Your ex is counting on you taking it as a compliment, when in fact you shouldn’t. All they are likely doing is trying to let you down easy.

The belief behind the idea that you deserve a partner who is better suggests that your ex doesn’t value themselves enough. You’re a great judge of whether or not that’s true. If your ex hasn’t ever showed any signs of having self confidence issues, than you know that they already believe they’re the best and this is just a clumsy attempt to break up with you without breaking your heart.

The very best way to respond when someone says that you deserve to be with someone who is better is to agree with them. You obviously shouldn’t say to your partner that you believe they’re lacking if you hope to someday have a future with them. But it’s a great idea to agree that for now, you two may not be the right match.

The reason this is such an effective response to them is that it takes the control away from them and gives it back to you. No longer are you the one wondering what their words meant and you’re not left with the impression that the reason they dumped you was because they wanted to set you free to find a better partner. Your ex partner now is the one feeling the confusion and is wondering whether or not you ever saw them as a compatible partner. The benefit to this is that you’ll continue to be on their mind and they may even set out to prove to you that you’re wrong and they are indeed perfect for you.