If you want to get your wife to change her mind about the divorce, you’re in a tough spot. Chances are, she doesn’t really seem to want to work on your marriage, let alone listen to how much you are willing to change things to keep her happy. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. After all, if you don’t give it your best, then you really won’t have any chance at getting your wife back. Right?

So if you want to change your wife’s mind about the divorce but she doesn’t seem interested, where do you start? First, you need to give your wife space. Don’t try to outright get her to stay with you if she doesn’t want to right now. Don’t fight her over the divorce, and don’t tell her that you’ll never give her one. The best thing you can do is let her have her freedom right now.

Why does giving your wife space help change her mind about getting divorced? It stops the power struggle. If you tell your wife that you’ll never give her a divorce, it’s only going to make her want to prove to you that she doesn’t need your permission. And honestly, if she really wants a divorce, you can’t stop her. The only way to stop the divorce is to make her want to stop it. And if you’re fighting all of the time, all she’s going to want to do is get away from you.

If you give your wife space right now, it will give her a chance to think about what is really happening. Even if she seems like she wants a divorce and her mind is made up, you don’t spend your life with someone and then not have second thoughts. So the best way to get those second thoughts to grow is to show her how things could be if she stayed. Try to be as nice to her as possible. Give her time alone. Let her see what life is really like without you in it. Use that time to work on yourself so that you can stay as happy and grounded as possible during this time. And whatever you do, don’t fight with her.

When you feel like you’re about to start arguing with your wife about the divorce, try your best to stop it. That doesn’t mean suck up to her or promise her things will change right now. You’re just going to try to keep everything as nice and drama-free as possible. You can work on your relationship once you get her on board again. Just do your best to listen, be strong, and if you’re angry, blow off steam elsewhere.

If your wife sees that you are changing the pattern of your marriage, you will be well on your way to getting her to change her mind about the divorce. It’s a long process, but think about it this way: divorce doesn’t happen overnight. You have more time than you think.