The Kama Sutra

The age old question of size was bound to come up during my first stint in a tantric yoga school. After weeks of spiritual and physical yogic practice on a tropical island we were about to embrace more of the “juicy bits” of tantra. Thirty students sat in wait for the Swami to enter, wearing the usual orange garb and taking his seat on his little “thrown” overlooking his sea of followers. Notebooks in hand and in position on our yoga mats we were ready and braced for the “size matters” talk. Taken from the Kama Sutra and the Ananda Ranga (an Indian sex manual written in the 16th century) the Swami proceeded to “enlighten” us.

Is small really a “bad” thing

Swami was blunt and to the point sparing no man or woman their blushes. He dived straight in with, “yes, size does matter” and if a man had a small penis, is his opinion, it was due to bad karma. Glancing around the room, it was easy to tell which of the men had “bad karma,” that allowed me to instantly cross some names off my list of potentials. He carried on to say that during tantric lovemaking the head of the penis has to touch the cervix and if this does not occur, powerful cervical orgasms will not occur. As I doodled a cervix in my book he went on to explain the three sizes of the male “organ” (shiva lingham) and the three sizes of the female “organ” (yoni).

The shape of things to come.

The three categories for the male are: the hare, bull and stallion. The “hare” was categorized by a lingham that does not exceed twelve centimeters when fully erect. This man is generally fairly short in nature, well proportioned with a quiet disposition. All the quiet short men in the room started to sweat a little. Swami continued, “the bull does not exceed eighteen centimeters, the man is robust, with a high forehead, large eyes and a restless temperament. He is every ready to make love and is known to be the middle dimension.” This sounded a bit like a crazy man to me, huge eyes, sex crazed and restless. Now came the “stallion,” his lingham did not exceed twenty-four centimeters, and I quote, “the owner of such an implement (I stifled a giggle) is usually tall, large-framed, muscular and has a deep voice.” Many men nodded knowingly and seriously to one another in the room until he continued, “he is described as gluttonous, covetous, passionate, reckless and lazy. He walks slowly and cares little for lovemaking, unless” the Swami hastened to add, “he is suddenly overcome with desire. His semen is copious and salty. He is known as a man of large dimension.”

At this stage I had to wonder if Kama Sutra and the Ananga Ranga were having a laugh at my expense. None of this lot sounded remotely appealing, his descriptions were littered with lazy, slothful men, Frankenstein types. To say I was a little distressed would be a true statement. It was now the ladies turn, some how I knew he would not be gentle.

The lady bits

Women’s yoni’s come in three different sizes, the deer, the mare and the elephant. At the word elephant I choked on my own saliva and knew it was going to get ugly. The “deer” was described as a vagina not more than twelve centimeters in depth, and the woman would have a soft, girlish body with well proportioned breasts and solid hips, she would be a moderate eater and be addicted to the pleasures of lovemaking, her “yoni juice” would have the pleasant perfume of lotus flowers. I sat there pondering what a lotus flower smelt like, not entirely convinced by this statement, never the less, I started doodling lotuses in my notebook as he continued onto the “mare.” Apparently she has a yoni that does not exceed eighteen centimeters in depth, she has a delicate body with broad hips and breasts and her umbilical region is raised. I thought that sounded a bit like me, unsure of how to actually measure vaginal depth I would have to go on description.

Images of cylindrical rulers dancing through my head, there must be an easier way. Smiling, I glanced at my little belly confirming my diagnosis as a “mare.” He went on to add that she is versatile, graceful and affectionate, likes good living and lots of rest, she has big beautiful eyes and a long neck. She does not easily orgasm and her “yoni juice” has the pleasant perfume of a lotus. Well I thought this was not to bad, sounded nothing like the disparaging descriptions of the men, but I had thought to soon, as he continued onto elephant woman. Her yoni is about twenty-four centimeters in depth, she has large breasts, a board face and short limbs, she is gluttonous, eats noisily and has a harsh and hard voice. Apparently not easily satisfied and has the “secretions” that smells like, and I quote, “elephants in a rut.” Fifteen sets of female eyes greeted him with a stony silence.

So size really doesn’t matter

At that point I was not entirely convinced by the accuracy of these sweeping statements, smells and all. But as the lecture went on it became clear that size was not the big issue, having a good match was. Both Tantric and Taoist sexual practice function on the basis of fit, while the ideal match was, hare and deer, bull and mare, stallion and elephant. You could mix a deer with a bull, but never a deer with a stallion. If the lingham is to short a woman will not be able to have powerful cervical orgasms. There are positions however, which can enhance penetration; there are also tantric exercises to enhance the size of the lingham if it is indeed to small for the woman. Conversely there are positions, which enable more comfortable love-making if the man is too big. Tantra thankfully had a lot of answers for these rather private questions.

This was just another morning in tantra school, enlightening, humorous, mildly embarrassing, heart opening and warm. It was refreshing to be in a room full of people who just show up to be honest and truthful about some of the aspects of themselves that cause them shame. It was also humbling to watch questions being answered, myths being dispelled and students having “aha” moments.

Another day on the inner journey, blissful.

As within, So without

Grace