My mother had dementia and I was her caregiver for nine years. This experience gave me a clear picture of caregiver stress. Though I took proactive steps to manage my stress, by the time my mother died I was exhausted. It took me a year to regain my strength and optimism.

What is caregiver stress? According to “Frequently Asked Questions: Caregiver Stress,” an article on the Womens Health Website (a government agency), it is the emotional and physical strain of caregiving. “Caregiver stress appears to affect women more than men,” notes the article.

You may be so busy with caregiving that you pay little attention to your own health. Vicki L. Schmall and Ruth E. Stiehl, authors of the booklet, “Coping with Caregiving: How to Manage Stress when Caring for Older Relatives,” think all caregivers make sacrifices. “No matter your relationship or age, as a caregiver you are making concessions and a personal sacrifice to provide care for another person,” they write.

Caregiver stress increases over time. You may recognize your stress, but not the extent of it. Fortunately, tools have been developed to help you determine your stress level. One tool, “Caregiver Self-Assessment Questionnaire: How are You?” was developed by the American Medical Association (AMA). The “yes” or “no” questionnaire pertains to one week of caregiving. It has 18 points, such as “Felt completely overwhelmed” and “Been edgy or irritable.”

At the end of the questionnaire you tally your score. If you answered “yes” to specific questions, “chances are that you are experiencing a high degree of stress,” according to the AMA.

Schmall and Stiehl include a “yes” or “no” questionnaire in their booklet. Their questionnaire focuses on some of the warning signs of stress. There are 11 questions on the form, including “Are you becoming more isolated?” According to the authors, answering “yes” to even some of the questions “can indicate that stress has become debilitating.”

Family members may also serve as a stress assessment resource. One day my husband told me I was short-tempered. His comment surprised me because I have a steady, even personality. But nine years of caregiving had taken a toll on me. Toward the end of my mother’s life, when I awakened each morning, I wondered if this would be the day she died.

According to the article, “Selected Caregiving Statistics,” published on the Family Caregiver Website, caregiving can last a few months or decades. “Studies have found that caregivers may have increased blood pressure and insulin levels, may have impaired immune systems and may be at increased risk for cardiovascular disease,” the article explains.

Don’t wait for your stress to go away. See your doctor if your stress level is going up and ask him or her to assess your stress. Your doctor will also be able to provide you with information on community resources. Joining a caregiving support group can also help to relieve stress.

The American Association of Retired Persons compares stress management to regular car maintenance. In its article, “Managing the Stress of Caregiving,” the orgnization says stress management is “critical to staying in shape over time.” So get to stress before it gets to you!