One of the challenges in giving tips on having a good marriage is that many of the tips are at odds with the societal perspective on marriage. That ‘s why the divorce rate is so high, because as a whole most people are doing things and behaving in such a way that is counter to the goal of a good marriage.

Marriage is where two people come together to spend their lives together. A Good Marriage is where both participants continually make decisions that nurture the relationship.

Here are 7 tips on having a good marriage:

1) Make a decision to be the best you can be.

Most conflict in relationships stems from a lack of self esteem of one person or the other

2) Grow your Dreams and Goals Lists as individuals as well as a couple.

Having dreams is critical to staying alert and attentive to life. Being excited about where you are headed is a great platform for establishing a great relationship and is one of the key tips on having a good marriage.

3) Understand and acknowledge your partners Time Orientation.

Often in a relationship, one person is more future orientated and one more past orientated. So one tends to think only of the future and where they want to go and do and then they don’t act in the present. All the while the other tends to dwell on the past and it’s limitation, again missing the present. Between these two extremes is every combination of orientation. Understand your partner’s so you can use the benefits of that orientation. The benefit of future focus is that with a compelling future that both people engage in – excitement is ever present in the relationship. The advantage of musing about the past is that by taking the learnings from the mistakes of the past you don’t need to repeat them.

4) Learn to relax and chill out regularly

These tips on having a good marriage are all about getting to “know yourself”. When we’re stressed, it is impossible to communicate effectively. get to know your “tells”, those indicators that can alert you to your stress levels. When you’re stressed, stop and chill. Maybe for 5 mins maybe for 1/2 hour.

5) Focus on how you can get better at relating.

Read relationship books like “His Needs Her Needs” by William Hartley or “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray or “Five Love Languages” by Chapman.

“Wild at Heart” by John Eldredge and “The Act of Marriage” by Tim LaHaye are also worth a read.

Also, listen to audios and watch videos about effective communication and tips on having a good marriage.

6) Tips on having a good marriage must include turning off the TV.

The human brain and mind are incredible tools that have the power to take you in the direction of your most dominant thoughts. Whatever you continue to input will continue to grow in strength.

So much of what’s on TV is about putting other people down and seeing the worst in others and the world. It’s a throwback to the pecking order process that happens at school. We learn it way back then and also even in growing up in our families. It’s not a healthy strategy to take into a marriage. By reducing the amount of negative input (from TV), you’ll find more positive ways to uplift your marriage.

7) Tips on having a good marriage would not be complete without something concerning children.

Many marriage partners particularly women dote on their children to excess and ignore the core relationship of a well balanced family and marriage. Some people male & female almost make their very reason for existence the bringing up of their children.

A good and healthy marriage and the subsequent rearing of your children is made much easier,more balanced and more effective when its clear that relationship with the greatest importance is between the husband and wife.