Usually, it’s the man who drives the hotwife lifestyle and then as his wife become more comfortable with it and realises he’s not going to ‘freak out’ at her seeing other men, she tends to become more outgoing and provocative. And, of course, men love this.

But what about when it’s the wife who harbours the initial desire?

How to Get your Husband to Agree to a Hotwife Lifestyle

The first thing I’ll say is this: be sure of your own motives, because you can be damned sure your husband will want to be sure of them. What I mean by this is ask yourself the searching question: “why do I want to sleep with other men?“.

And until you have some answers, don’t even think of mentioning it to your husband (incidentally, I’d give the same advice to a man wanting his wife to become a hotwife).

You see, in cases like this it’s simply human nature to assume if your partner wants sex with someone else, then it somehow reflects upon your desirability in their eyes. This is sometimes called “complex equivalence” and it’s a myth. In other words your desire isn’t necessarily a reflection of your desire for your husband. In many cases, both couples find hotwiving is an incredible turn on for both of them (there’s nothing quite like my wife using her lover’s name when I’m making love to her).

But note the word I used: necessarily. Because if you’re honest with yourself and you discover your motives are because you’re no longer attracted to your man, then becoming a hotwife is unlikely to improve things in the long term. You will simply become closer to your lover or lovers, and more distant from your husband — the exact opposite of what most couples want from hotwiving.

So, with that said, here are three tips for broaching the subject with your man:

1. Don’t just dump it on him. He’ll freak. It’s a big thing you’re asking, so be prepared to take it slowly and have a comprehensive list of what’s in it for HIM. Why should he agree to it? What’s he going to get from it? A good way to begin the process is to bring in ‘dirty talk’ of other men into your lovemaking. It’s like a kind of conditioning — if he notices how horny you get when you talk about it when you’re making love, it’s going to imply some of the benefits right out of the gate.
2. Be prepared. He’s going to ask a lot of questions, not least, “who is it?“. For this reason I strongly suggest you don’t pick anyone until after he’s agreed (and, please, don’t use this as an excuse to hook up with a specific individual — one of the golden rules of hotwiving in my opinion is your relationship with your husband comes first and sleeping with another man is just an extension of your sex life with your husband).
3. Give him time. As humans we can come to terms with almost anything. If you try and rush it, I guarantee it is going to blow up in your face; similarly discussions ending in “you can’t stop me… and I’m going to do it anyway so you might as well agree” help no one. So treat this as a long-term project. After all, if you get it right this is a lifestyle choice you’ll be enjoying for many years to come.

My wife, Josselyn, and I have been in the lifestyle for the past 7 years and apart from a few hiccoughs it’s been a lot of fun.