Sex dating websites are persuading increasing numbers of people, both in and out of relationships, to seek new experiences with new partners. However, protagonists find themselves trapped in circular chats of exchanged messages in which pornographic encounters are rehearsed but direct requests for meetings are cleverly evaded. A way has been found to generate a considerable revenue stream from the presale of credits and it would appear that either the female participants are well briefed, or virtual women are created to perpetuate the exchange of fruitless costly messaging.

These comments are based on an analysis of over 1600 messages purported to have been sent by hundreds of self-styled ‘horny women,’ none of whom agreed to meet face-to-face, even for a chat over coffee in a public place. The encounters all began with an urgent appeal for a new sex partner to provide relief from on-going deprivation. Wonderful favours were promised to the responder. Many women complained of a sexually incompetent or disinterested husband or boyfriend, while those claiming to be single reported months of inactivity or related how their last encounter was a disaster. Many complained of an unsatisfactory experience with a younger man, and claimed to be seeking a more experienced older lover who knew how to treat a woman and give her complete satisfaction.

Some themes recurred with monotonous regularity. ‘I’m seeking revenge on my cheating husband,’ was one, and inviting greater sympathy, was the plea: ‘Since my husband’s injury/illness he has been unable to have sex.’ Some wives claimed to have their husband’s permission to seek pastures new, and a few said they were in an ‘open relationship.’ Nearly all said they were looking for a ‘friend with benefits,’ often reduced to the acronym FWB. Not a few pleaded for complete discretion. Yet none of these ladies was prepared to commit to a physical meeting and some admitted that their interest was only in talking sex with a stranger online.

A group of young women, mostly in their early 20s, claimed to be virgins who were envious of their friends having sex with boyfriends. Although they offered the proverbial ‘droit du seigneur’ there was little chance of their chastity being threatened except in the virtual sense. These young women were amongst the most graphic in describing the delights they were expecting to enjoy. It was repeated themes such as this that prompted the suspicion that not only was the sex largely virtual but some of the participants were virtual as well. This idea was reinforced by the constant repetition of the same key words and phrases, but this could also be attributed to an all-pervasive popular culture. What is certainly not virtual, however, is the profit accruing to the websites owners.